Chapter Nine

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, ect., are the property of their respective owners.  The original characters and plot are the property of the author.  The author is no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise.  No copyright infringement is intended.

Warnings: Rated Mature for language, gore and adult situations.  Readers under the age of 18 are discouraged from reading.

Scars of Survival
Chapter Nine
Yes, hell exists.  It is not a fairy tale.  One indeed burns there.  This hell is not at the end of life.  It is here.  At the beginning.  Hell is what the infant must experience before he gets to us.  ~  Dr. Federick Leboyer

“I looked for ya.”  Daryl blurted suddenly, startling the silent calm that had enveloped the cab of the truck while I lost myself to memories of days long since past. 

I looked over, my neck straining from the odd angle it took to look at his face fully.  He was upset.  More than upset and it showed in everything from his bloodshot eyes to his cherry red nose. 

“What?”  I asked, confused.  I almost felt stupid the moment the question escaped my lips.  There could only be so many things he was talking about but I guess I needed to hear it and the question fell from my lips in a an automatic response.

His breathed hitched in his throat and rushed out his nose.  “When all this,”  he gestured to the world around us.  “happened, I went lookin’ for ya?”

Oh.  Oh.  And I wasn’t there.

I wondered when this would come up in conversation.  I guess now was as good as any other time.

It didn’t surprise me in the slightest that Daryl waited until we had the loud roar of an engine and several hundred feet separating us from the others of our group before saying something.  His reaction to his own words were enough for me to not want to be around anyone else. 

“Oh.”  Because lets face it, what else could I possibly say to that?

Sure there were probably a lot of things I could have said.  I probably should have apologized for being such a spaz and leaving Trenton to begin with, it was a stupid move and it damn near got me killed. 

But I didn’t say I was sorry for doing it and I couldn’t.  I wouldn’t apologize for something I felt was right.  All I knew in my present apocalyptic meltdown when the amazingly idiotic notion came to me; was what my instincts were telling me and that was to find Daryl.  Daryl was all that mattered.

I did however have something to apologize for but I wasn’t really sure how to do it without pissing him off.  “I’m sorry I worried you.”

When he growled low in the back of his throat like some wild fuckin’ animal, I knew I had been correct to assume he’d be pissed.  “Sorry?”  He said loudly, turning his face to the window as he removed the arm across my shoulder to wipe at the corner of his eye. 

“I was goin’ out of my fuckin’ mind, Lil!”  He barked, his voice rising with each tear that slipped from the hard walls within him.  He furiously wiped at them with the palm of his hand, growling over the sniffles like I couldn’t hear them.

“I’m sorry,”  I repeated, trying to sooth him the best I could by rubbing circles into the soft material of his plaid button down.  Unfortunately for me, he was in mood to hear it yet and was in even less of a mood to be coddled. 

With jerky movements, Daryl sat up a little straighter his eyes narrowing on the road as the white van in front of us crawled to a stop.  He muttered something under his breath before he wiped his face again and grabbed the 30-06 from the gun rack above my head. 

“Stay here,”  He commanded, shoving the heavy rifle at me.  “We’ll talk about this later and you will tell me what happened to ya.” 

It wasn’t a question at all.  I knew it.  He knew it.  It was just a question of when we would have the chance to be alone again, really alone.  As much as I hated to even think about the past events that led to my Franken-face, I knew that for Daryl not to completely lose his mind I was going to have to suck it up and spill.  I just hoped for the sake of the group that when that conversation went down, when his emotions got the better of him, no one would be stupid enough to pry at the noise.

That being said, I most assuredly didn’t have to like it and I was pretty damn sure that when he heard the story in all it disgusting detail, he wasn’t gonna like it either.

Daryl appeared around the front of the truck several minutes later, cursing up a storm and motioning me to get out.  I did so hesitantly, trying not to step on the landmines around Daryl.  It was like walking on eggshells.  I could only hope the others were smart enough to pick up on the extremely hostile vibes Daryl was practically vibrating at the moment and left him the hell alone.

His shitty mood and mine was only further spurned by the breakdown of the R.V., Jim’s rapidly declining health and the now encroaching dusk.  We still had a ways to go before we arrived at the CDC and we would be just making it before dark if we left like five minutes ago. 

About halfway through the fix of Dale’s radiator hose, Jacqui came scrambling out of the back of the camper.  Her eyes were frantic as she stumbled up to me of all people and told me she didn’t think Jim could take much more.

Which to me was the code for “Holy Shit, Jim’s turning into a walker!” 

No shit, lady.  He should have never been in that R.V. to begin with. 

I honestly had no clue what it was she wanted me to do about it.  I wasn’t particularly close to anyone in the group, well except for the obvious and my obvious had already tried to solve this problem once only to have it shut down and slammed back in his face like he was some kind of homicidal monster.  Not really adhering to my softer side, the side that actually wanted to help, my decision was clear.

Fuck that.  They could decided what fate had in store for Jim now, I wanted nothing to do with it.

It didn’t really matter in the end anyways, her panicked voice really carried well and by time she was through with her terrified rant everyone was gathered around us. 

Awkward much.

Even more awkward than that was the morbid funeral we held for a living man who was sitting under a tree just before we left him there.  Rick had offered him a gun to do what he had to but I didn’t see Jim as the suicidal type of guy, plus he was actually reasonable enough to know we’d need the damn thing later.  Why Rick didn’t just let Daryl or Shane kill him, I’ll never know.  Not that I’d let Daryl put that on his conscience now and let the others treat him like a barbaric outcast for it later. 

They could kiss my ass.

~

The rest of the drive to the CDC was uncomfortably quiet.  Daryl was stewing in his grief and anger and I knew it wouldn’t be long before it all came to a head, one way or another.

The smell was pungent enough to make my stomach lurch so and made it evident that we had arrived before Daryl ever put the truck into park.  He glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes and I knew without him having to open his mouth that he thought this was a bad idea. 

I was quickly starting to agree with him.

The point was further proven when we stepped out and took in the surrounding mass of corpse and bloodshed.  It was devastating.  It was complete devastation. The entire yard of the building and then some was completely covered in guts, gore and flies. 

My god, the flies were horrendous.

“I don’t want ya outta ma sight, ya here!” Daryl commanded, thrusting his rifle back into my arms with a deep scowl on his face.  He was scared.  It made every bit of the female rights worthy argument die in my throat before it could bother to slip out.  I wouldn’t argue with him right now, not when we were in such a detrimental situation.  Not when he was close to blowing his top in the first place. 

As a group we maneuvered through the sea of the half eaten torsos and decaying limbs it was plain to me that the massacre here didn’t bode well for our safety in the future. 

Shielding my face from the hordes of flies and stench, I used one of Daryl’s handkerchiefs to which earned me a look of displeasure from Lori and Andrea.  I just glared back and went about my tiptoeing, sniggering mentally at their jealous faces.  Even Daryl looked a little miffed about not having the hindsight to think about it ahead of time.  Sorry babe, you fell in love with me for a reason.

More gnats, more flies and more dead soldiers…

It seemed that was all that was left of the CDC.  Destruction and the dead. 

With the sky turning darker by the second, I pushed closer to Daryl not wanting us to be separated when the inevitable happened.  Dark always brought out the walkers and we were all sitting fuckin’ ducks at this point. 

~

There was some kind of quiet argument already underway when we approached the what used to be some kind of perfectly maintained entry way.  Now it was splattered with guts, both walker and human.  Wonderful.

“Then why are these shutters down?”  Rick hissed over his shoulder and then went back to his study of the doors, like they might hold all the answers to the universe. 

I could feel a nasty retort building up in the back of my throat but Daryl shouted exclamation of “Walkers!”  overrode it and allowed the panic to set it.  This was our camp all over again.  Only this time we had even less ammunition and our people were already traumatized.

“Ya led us into a graveyard!”  Daryl shouted over the shots being fired, his eyes immediately seeking me out, though I knew it wasn’t me he was yelling at.  No, Rick was the privileged one to get Daryl’s temper this time.

Dale stepped forward, “He made a call!” 

“It was the wrong damn call!”  Daryl shouted back, his face beet red with murder in his eyes.

That quickly led to Shane and Daryl chest to chest, Shane defending Rick’s honor.  Had this been another time I would have defiantly had something smart-ass to say to that.  Sometimes I really couldn’t tell who Shane was more in love with, Rick or Lori.  But as it was, I was too busy killing walkers and trying to think of something to get us out of this mess.  I had nothing and it wasn’t looking good for us.

“Fort Benning, Rick, it’s still an option.”

Lori looked like she might cry at the suggestion and I really couldn’t blame her.  “That’s a hundred miles from here! We need someplace, now!”

You got that, sister.  Not only that but there was a it was a very possible likelihood that Ft. Benning was in the same condition, or worse.

I thought to suggest what I had been thinking since it was decided that we were breaking camp but much like Ft. Benning, it was too dark and we had too little of supplies at the moment for anything I was planning.  That and I wasn’t so sure I wanted the whole group with me when I suggested it.  Call me a bad person but some of the people here were beyond naïve and I had learned first hand what naivety did for you; it got you injured or killed.

Jerking another shell in the chamber, I took aim at the female walker dragging her leg behind her, it was only hanging on by several tendons.  Ew.

“Wait!  It moved!  The camera!  It moved!”  Rick shouted.

I took my shot and turned, wondering what the fuck he was going on about now.  Not for nothing but he wasn’t exactly on my list for people I trusted.

Daryl jumped in front of me then, his back to my front as he pushed me backwards, his crossbow still raised, aimed out towards the city were the walkers were still pouring out of the woodwork.  I knew the 30-06 was a bad idea.  It was a wonderful weapon when it came to accuracy and drop power but the sum’bitch was a cannon.  The blast could be heard for miles and it wasn’t the only loud weapon in our group.  Rick’s Python was just as loud and Shane’s pump came in a definite third.

Taking the time Daryl’s protective barrier gave me, I pulled a few more rounds from my pocket and jacked in another couple of shells.  Locking the rifle in my arms I took a quick case of the area through the high powered scope and nearly crumbled at what I saw. 

I whimpered.

“What is it?”  Daryl yelled. 

“Walkers!”  I announced through a sob.  “Hundreds of ‘em.  We have to get the fuck outta here!” 

I took down three more before trying to reload again but my hands were shaking under the pressure and full shells were falling to the ground with a clanging that rang in my ears like death bells tolling. 

Not looking back at Rick as he shouted to the camera, I locked eyes with Daryl.  It was a silent I love you.  It was a silent goodbye.

Even if we did leave now, our chances of making out of this parking lot was slim to none. 

A heavy raking of metal on metal startled Daryl nearly as bad as it did me but as we both turned to look we were blinded by bright lights pouring out onto the concrete walkways.  Daryl looked at me as I looked at him in astonishment before he grabbed my arm hard and ran, pulling me along behind him into the unknown.

After my eyes adjusted to the false lighting I was now unaccustomed to, I noticed the building was devoid of life.  It was eerily silent.  The large room and high ceilings did nothing to quell the feeling of emptiness this building already seemed to scream at us. 

It was silent as the grave.  Empty and silent.  At this point I was ready to go back outside and try my hand at the walkers again.  I didn’t like this place. 

“Hello,”  A voice called from behind us, startling me enough that I almost shot the bastard.

The man who I now know as Dr. Edwin Jenner was an average looking man, not handsome but not hideous.  He looked like he had been ready for bed before we interrupted him with our little life impending situation outside.  His blonde hair was skewed and his clothes were rumpled but as he swayed a little on his feet I wondered if maybe I was wrong.  He looked drunk.

“Anyone infected?”  He asked, his AR scanning through our group looking for possible threats.  I couldn’t blame him for trying to protect his own ass but it didn’t stop Daryl from growling at him when he pointed that barrel at us.

Rick stepped forward, ever the leader.  “One of group was, he didn’t make it.” 

Why the fuck he offered up that piece of information, I’ll never understand.  Yes, one of our group was infected.  Key word there.  Was.  Rick didn’t need to give this man a rundown of our life stories, he just needed to know that not one of us was currently infected.

Jenner’s eyes narrowed as he scanned through our faces again, but I shuttered as they landed on me again.  He took his time looking me over before he announced that we would have to submit to blood tests. 

Done buddy.

Daryl told me to wait with the others while he, T-dog, Shane and Rick retrieved our things from the vehicles still outside.  Begrudgingly, I obliged, though to be honest, being trapped in a building with this guy and only Dale for protection wasn’t exactly fun.  I had a feeling that Jenner had a bone to pick with me.

Damn, I hate being fuckin’ right.

“You,”  Jenner said almost immediately after Daryl was out of sight.  “Were you scratched?” 

With the AR still in his hand, Jenner took a step forward and I took an involuntary step back.  “No.”  I told him sternly, yanking the do-rag away from my face so he could get a better look.

“Don’t lie.”  He said, eyes hard as he took another step forward.

Alright asshole, kind of pissing me off now. 

Dale decided to intervene then before this asshole got himself dead real fuckin’ fast.  I wasn’t in the mood to be bullied right now.  Daryl was still angry with me and I was almost walker bait last night.  Dale stepped in between and Andrea spoke on my behalf.  “She was attacked a couple weeks ago, by men.”

Even though she emphasized that it was in fact men that had done such a horrible thing, I could tell by the way Jenner’s nose wrinkled that he wasn’t buying it.  “Those stitches are fresh.” 

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Carol started crying again.  “There was a scuffle in our group, I got in the middle of it, end of story.” 

“Is there a problem here?”  Rick asked as he and the others came barreling back through the doors just as the rollers locked back into place. 

Jenner shook his head as Daryl retook my side, his face twisted down in a horrible frown.  “No.”  He finally said.

Even as he said it, I knew that wasn’t the end of this discussion. 

It wasn’t.

As blood was drawn from us it gave Jenner the time to scrutinize my face.

I hated it.  I hated the way he stared, at first with hostility and then with pity and remorse as it became apparent that I wasn’t infected.  

Daryl didn’t care for that shit either and he made his dislike for the doctor complete clear as he told the man to “Stop starin’ at my fuckin’ woman.” 

~

Dinner with the solemn scientist was an interesting affair.  Everyone was eating their fill of pasta and indulging in the wine and booze Jenner provided.  It was nice but I just couldn’t shake the nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach that had developed since meeting the man.  Something was off about him and I knew he was hiding something from us, something important. 

“Once this door closes, it stays closed…” 
That simple statement echoed through my mind on a never ending loop.  I couldn’t shake it, not even with the help of red wine and Soco.

It wasn’t just in the way he said, all ominous and cryptic.  It was the look on his face.

I didn’t like it.  Not one single bit.

As everyone laughed, I stayed quiet.  I was content enough.  I had a full belly, and a warmth spreading to my extremities with every sip of the deep red wine I drank. 

Though I did give a very girlish giggle at the look on Carl’s face when he had his first taste of wine and proclaimed.  “Ew.”

“That’s my boy,”  Lori sang, dumping the rest of the Carl’s wine into her glass.  “You just stick with soda.”

“Not you, Glenn,”  Daryl said as he rounded the table with a full bottle of Soco in his hand, surprising me.  Both Glenn and I looked at him with astonishment.  “Ya keep drinking’ little man, I wanna see how red yer face can get.”

It was official.  Daryl was buzzed. 

He was grinning like a fool, hands fumbling as he poured three shots of Southern Comfort, shoving one in Glenn’s face before sitting one down in front of me and taking his seat next to me.  Glenn looked lost, like he wasn’t really sure what to do with the burgundy liquid. 

I beamed at him, then at Daryl for making an effort to be a human part of the group.  Of course I wasn’t stupid enough not understand that he would be back to his normal, grumbling self with the rise of the sun but for now, it really helped me to relax seeing him like this. 

Rick stood up, a little shaky, glass in hand.  “It seems we haven’t properly thanked our host.” 

Cheers erupted all around as we all raised our glasses to the man still sulking in the corner. 

Daryl lifted the entire bottle.  “Boo-yah!”

“I’ll drink to that!”  I announced, lifting my shot and eyeing Glenn to the same.  The liquid didn’t burn my throat as it went down but Southern Comfort never had that effect on me, it was sweet, almost a little too sweet and I knew my stomach was gonna hate me in the morning.

Fuckin’ gut-rot.

“Boo-yah!”  I cheered and Glenn smiled happily, until his face turned sour.  Daryl laughed right alone with me as he pulled me up out of my chair and put me on his lap.

Shane ruined our fun a few seconds later when he started in on Jenner.  It was strange, the look in Shane’s eyes.  He seemed determined, so much more than he usually did and he was extremely defensive, grumpy.  Something had to have shifted in the Rick/Lori/Shane dynamic, though I didn’t have a guess as to what.  Just that something had changed and when it did it changed Shane as well.  He looked so damn hurt.

Jenner looked reasonable to the questions being asked, it was expected and he almost seemed like it was a weight lifted, like he was just waiting for someone share all of this with.  But he was still hiding something.  It was there just below the surface and I was diligent enough to try and read between his lines, even if I was half buzzed.

However, it was not expected when he turned in my direction and slammed us with a stipulation for his answers, a stipulation that would completely fuck up the rest of my night. 

“I want to know what happened to you.”  He stated clearly.  His face had the strangest emotion playing across it, it was something between genuine curiosity and mild concern. 

Daryl stiffened underneath me and made a noise of displeasure.  It rumbled deep through his chest and up his throat.  He was trembling.  “Don’t see how it’s any o’ yer business.”  He replied tersely, defensive. 

Jenner shook his head as the other either leaned on their elbows for a better seat in the show or shrank back in their seats, waiting to see what my volatile hunter would do next.  “I don’t believe it was you I asked?”  It came out coolly and I had to give Jenner props for that.  Even a village idiot could tell it wasn’t a good idea to piss men like Daryl off, so he was either very brave or very stupid.  I kinda think he was a little of both.  “And I want to know. Think of it as a trade.”

Maybe he was just very suicidal?

Everyone sitting at the table turned to me expectantly as I sat frozen in Daryl’s lap, unable to move or blink.  “I-I…” 

The man beneath me blanched.  He jerked to his feet, his boots slamming against the hard concrete floor as he stood on long legs and pulled me along with him.  “Ya ain’t gonna tell him shit.”  He all but growled, his hard blue eyes burning holes through everyone.  I couldn’t even see him to know that was exactly what he was doing. 

“Daryl, be reasonable.”  Rick said, standing as well.  “We all need to know as well, it’s for our own safety.

My head jerked around to pin the half drunk sheriff with a hard stare.  “Well for one this story ain’t for little ears, sheriff.”  I told him looking pointedly at the two children still sitting at the table.  “Two, it ain’t none of yer fuckin’ business to begin with and if it’s that much of a problem, I’ll leave!”  I said scowling before I rounded on the nosy scientist.  “Jenner, if you really have to know, I’ll tell ya.  But I’ll be damned if I do it with a room full of judgmental eyes.” 

He nodded and stood, waving with a polite gesture to the rest of the group.  “If you will all come with me, I’ll show you were you’ll be staying.”